Pleasure and Purpose Read online

  "Alaric, I'm certain, could aid you in that." Nessa got up to poke the fire into brighter blaze, then returned to her place at his feet.

  "Aye, Alaric."

  "So allow him to organize them." It seemed simple enough. "Or perhaps the ladies who've arrived would play hostess, as you've none."

  She'd not meant it as reproach, but Edward's eyes told her he took it that way.

  "I don't want you to think I'm ashamed of you."

  "I know you're not ashamed of me."

  It was himself that shamed him, and for that she could do naught.

  Edward gestured for her to lay her head upon his thigh, which she did with a contented sigh. His hand passed over her hair in smooth strokes. "Unbind your hair." He wove his fingers through the braid-kinked strands until they fell across her shoulders and back. Nessa closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against the soft cloth of his trousers. His hand on her head petted and soothed, as much a pleasure to her as solace to him. She waited, gauging his mood by the tension in his muscles.

  Happy people didn't request the services of a Handmaiden. All of her patrons were in some way damaged. As she herself had been damaged. Sometimes, Nessa discovered the source of her patron's pain and was able to dissipate it. For others she never learned what secrets in their past had hurt them, but it didn't matter, for she succeeded in helping them anyway.

  Edward was different from all of them, every one she'd ever had. The kind and the cruel, the smart and foolish, the generous and stingy. He'd touched something inside her no other had, and the realization of that was enough to tense her muscles. Edward was different because . . . she was falling in love with him. At the infinitesimal tightening of her body against his leg, Edward's hand came once more to rest upon her head. "What disturbs your

  "It is my place to ask that of you, Edward, not yours to question me. He urged her with his touch to look up at him. "I would know your secrets."

  "I've bared them all to you." She got up on her knees and reached to touch his cheek.

  "Will you tell me yours?"

  He shook his head. He moved her palm over his mouth to kiss it, his lips warm. Nessa got up and settled onto his lap, an arm curving round his neck to put her forehead to his.

  "Edward," she whispered. "I want so much to see you happy."

  "Because it is your pleasure and your purpose?" He nuzzled her cheek with his lips before looking into her eyes.

  "Not only that. No." She kissed his mouth with sweet intent, though the underlying spark of constant passion between them was impossible to ignore.

  His hand slipped up to tangle in the hair at the base of her neck. "Will you understand me when I say I want you to fail in your purpose?"

  She smiled a little, her throat tight with sudden, nameless emotion. "My expense is too great? You wish to recoup what you've paid to the Order?"

  He shook his head. "No. But if you succeed, you'll have to leave. And I don't want you to leave me."

  She took a long, slow breath. "If I fail, I would have to leave you, as well."

  "Do you always have to leave your patrons, Nessa?"

  "I do."

  "Have you ever wanted to stay?"

  She took his face in her hands and kissed his mouth slowly, and pulled away just enough to breathe against his lips. "Yes, Edward. I have."

  With a low groan, he slanted his lips to hers. His hand tightened in her hair, pulling. His tongue dove inside her mouth, stroking her into a gasp of desire.

  He pulled back suddenly. "Every time I think I've sated myself with you, I discover I haven't. I'm not sure I ever can."

  "I'm happy to serve you-—"

  "No." He shook his head. "It's more than that. Tell me what it is." Nessa hesitated. She was never unable to put aside her training, to forget her pleasure and her purpose. Telling him what he wished to hear would surely grant him a moment's peace but in the end might harm more than help. The line was fine, the edge sharp; a false step would slice them both.

  His hand in her hair tightened, bringing another gasp from her. "Answer me."

  "It pleases me to know that I so please you."

  This answer, while the truth, seemed not to satisfy him. He pushed her from his lap, not ungently but without any question as to his intent. "I sent for you because I needed someone who would not play emotional games. A companion who would ease my mind. Make my home a haven and a comfort."

  "Have I done so?" She made to go into the Waiting, but his command stopped her.

  "Stay on your feet. Yes, Stillness, you have. You have brought light and warmth to these rooms beyond the simple matter of tea and clean floors. And for that, I'm grateful."

  "I'm pleased—"

  He stood, towering over her. "There's more. You've pleased my mind, but my body, too. An unexpected but welcome gift."

  She said nothing, looking up into his face.

  "You're here to give me something I think impossible for me to attain."

  "Absolute solace. Even a moment of it and my duty is fulfilled."

  "And you will do anything I need to achieve that goal. Will you not?" His voice had gone low and dangerous again. It sent an anticipatory shiver through her. She nodded.

  "Yes."

  "Then tell me," he said, voice like silk snagged on a rough branch, "that I'm more to you than just another patron."

  She wanted to, by the Arrow, she did. But there was no place for love in a Handmaiden's life. Nothing good could come of such a revelation, and her duty wasn't to her heart, but to his.

  "I value each of my patrons individually, Edward," Nessa said at last. "Each is unique to me, and each holds a separate but equal place in my heart."

  Edward lifted his chin, and when he spoke, ironwood had replaced the silk in his voice.

  "Then if I'm like all the others, I shall devote myself to the effort of helping you succeed in your task. I shall allow you to grant me solace."

  This answer didn't make her happy, said as it was in such a cold tone. "Edward—"

  "Take off your gown."

  Never before had she had such trouble with obedience. Her hesitation was unintended, the result of the conflict in her mind and heart. Where always in the past she'd been able to set her thoughts to automatic response, now, here, she couldn't seem to manage to find the place within herself that was entirely Handmaiden, and not entirely Nessa.

  "I said take off your clothes." The command was harsh and startled her into putting her fingers to the buttons at her throat. Edward's gaze glinted. He seemed to grow larger, more intimidating. "Now."

  "Yes."

  "Yes, sir," he told her.

  "Yes, sir." She undid her buttons swiftly and peeled open the gown, stepped out of it and folded it neatly to put on the footstool.

  "Hold," he said when she'd begun loosing the laces at the neckline of her shift. "I would see you this way for a moment."

  She froze, heart hammering. She searched his face, but of the tender man who'd cradled her on his lap moments ago there was no sign. In his place was the man who used his teeth. The man she knew could be hard but kind in his severity, the one she knew could give her the release she craved, if only he would admit himself capable of it. She shivered, her nipples peaking and drawing his attention. Between her legs, her clit throbbed once, and as if he could see that, too, his eyes went there.

  "With the firelight behind you, your body is outlined in red and gold and shadow. I can see every curve, every line right through the fabric of your shift. Your nipples, begging for my tongue. That sweet slit between your legs, begging for my cock to fill it." She swallowed hard, her throat tight now with an emotion she could name. Lust. Pure, fierce lust. She shifted a bit, legs parting.

  "Take off your gown."

  She did.

  "Move your feet apart. Open your legs."

  She did that, too, her breath coming in small jerks as her heart pounded. The heat from the fire caressed her back while the heat from his eyes did the same to her front.


  "I want to see your pearl. Show it to me."

  Nessa slid her hand between her legs and used her fingers to part her curls and expose herself to his eyes. The touch made her bite her lip and take in a long, deep breath.

  "You're wet." Edward sounded satisfied. "This arouses you. Doing as I tell you."

  "Yes, sir. It does."

  "It will feel good for you to take some of your nectar and rub it on your pearl. Do it." With a shudder, she did, dipping a finger into her folds and drawing it upward again to slide easily over her clit. Edward hissed at the sight, and Nessa's hips pumped forward, against her hand.

  "Your nipples are begging for attention, too. You like them to be pinched, don't you? Twisted. You like that little pain." His voice had grown hoarse. The front of his trousers bulged with an erection Nessa longed to caress.

  Again, she nodded. "I do, yes, sir. Yes."

  "Because it allows you to forget everything else."

  "Yes, sir!"

  Her thighs trembled as her clit engorged under her touch. Her nipples grew tighter, too, tingling and throbbing as much as her bead. She let her hand move up to cover a breast, palm against her aching flesh for a moment before her fingers clamped down and both hands moved in tandem, pinching and stroking.

  "You could bring yourself off in another moment, couldn't you?" Edward whispered, watching. "You could come like that, with me watching."

  She murmured an answer. "If it pleases you."

  "It does not," said Edward sharply. "You will be sated when I grant you permission and not before. Do you understand?"

  She stopped her stroking, though her body protested. "Yes, sir."

  "I have seen full well how much you like to come. Your orgasm will be your reward for pleasing me. Do you understand?"

  She nodded, watching him. His eyes had gone half lidded, watching her. He looked toward the cabinet she'd been forbidden to open.

  "In that cabinet, on the shelf, is a box. Bring me the small casket inside." The cabinet doors creaked as she opened them, but inside she found only unlabeled boxes and drawers. Which one? She thought swiftly, opening her mind to him and what she knew of him, and put her hands to the first box in front of her. Within it was the small, carved casket. She brought it to him, Waited at his feet.

  "Come here."

  She followed him to his desk, wondering at what he held. Edward set the casket on the desk and took out the first piece, a thin, gold chain with a gem dangling from one end and a small loop of gold attached to the other. He lifted an identical piece from the casket and held them up so the gems danced and reflected the firelight.

  "Do you know what these are?"

  "Earbobs?"

  "No." He cupped a hand beneath her left breast and slipped the loop of the piece over her nipple. "Not for your ears."

  She gasped as it slid on, the fit snug but not painful. In moments her nipple turned a dusky rose color and tingled deliciously. The dangling gem weighted the chain just enough for her to feel each twist and turn. She gasped again when he slid the other loop onto her right nipple.

  "You will wear these as you attend me this evening." Without waiting for an answer, Edward reached into the casket and pulled out another, similar piece. Instead of a loop at the end, however, it had a V-shaped piece of gold and two dangling chains weighted with gems. "Sit on the edge of the desk and open your legs."

  Shaking in anticipation, Nessa did. The wood was smooth and cool beneath her rear.

  "Grip the edge of the desk with your hands. You will not move them unless I give you permission."

  She curled her fingers around the desk's smooth edge and parted her legs wider. Edward moved between them. She waited, breathless, but he looked without touching for some long moments while her clit grew ever harder and hotter beneath his inquisitive gaze.

  "Such a lovely cunt you have. It will look even prettier adorned as your nipples are." He took the third piece of jewelry and placed his thumb and forefinger on each side of her clitoris. She gave a small cry, her hips leaping but her hands staying in place as he'd ordered. Edward gently pinched her arousal between his finger and thumb and stroked it up and down, much as she'd have stroked his cock. Nessa moaned again, her thighs opening wider of their own volition. With his other hand he took the third piece of jewelry and slipped the V-shaped piece over her erect clit. The smooth metal pinched against her engorged flesh and sent a spasm of arousal through her. He took his hand away, yet the metal on her remained, mimicking the sensation his fingers had provided. The chains hanging from it caressed her clit while the gems dangled, tapping her labia gently and sending shivers through her.

  Edward looked at her. "This, also, you will wear as you attend me tonight."

  "Yes . . ." She swallowed, hard. "Yes, sir."

  "And I have two more adornments for you, though they are not as pretty." He reached into the casket and pulled out something that clicked and clattered in his palm. Two sets of what looked like pearls, carved of ironwood, four on each strand. One set was thrice the size of the smaller, the beads of which were no larger than the end of her thumb. She could see no clasp to close the ends of the unusual pieces, and at any rate, neither was long enough to fit around her neck, or even a wrist.

  "These are not meant to be worn on the outside," Edward said as though he'd read her mind.

  With that, he put a hand beneath her legs and pushed the larger set of pearls inside her quim, slowly, one at time. The last pearl he left outside, tucked up against her opening, where the gem from the chain attached to her clitoris could tap against it. The other three shifted inside her, filled her, and pressed just behind her pubic bone with every motion. Edward waited until she had stilled herself once again, his hand on her hip. She looked at him, and his smile rewarded her.

  "Your response is delightful," he assured her and held up the second set of pearls. She knew at once where he meant to put those and her body unconsciously tensed. Edward took one last thing from the casket. A small vial, which he uncorked and tipped over his fingers. It released a thick fluid smelling pleasantly of herb. Corking it again, Edward set it aside and rubbed the fluid quickly over the second set of beads.

  "Turn around. Hold the desk," he ordered, and though each movement made dozens of tremors run through her, Nessa obeyed.

  Edward ran a slick finger down the seam of her buttocks and pressed lightly against her back entrance. The pressure urged a moan from her. With a pleased sound, Edward pushed her flesh. Nessa arched her back in response, lifting her rear. She felt the cool touch of the beads at her back passage and tensed.

  "Open for me."

  She tried, but when the wooden pearl once more pressed against her, she tensed. This time, Edward reached around and tugged gently on the chain hanging from her clit. A tug, a press of the bead against her. Another tug, another press, until she was positively pushing her rear toward the intrusion.

  One pearl slipped inside her, but aided by her arousal and whatever he'd used to lubricate it, she felt no pain, only a delirious pressure that echoed in every pleasure point on her body. Edward tugged the chain again, bringing her closer to climax but not letting her spill over, as he pushed the second bead inside her. Then the third, with the fourth left to press against her on the outside.

  Thus filled, Nessa could only tremble and take deep breaths. Her body strained toward the climax so close, but mindful of what he'd said, that her orgasm would be a reward, she didn't seek to force it into happening.

  After a moment or two, Edward stepped away. "I've work to do. You shall attend me as usual."

  With that, he went to his desk chair and sat, pulling a ledger book toward him and lifting his quill from the inkpot.

  Stunned, uncertain, Nessa didn't move until Edward looked up, and in an utterly bored voice, told her, "Get me some tea, Stillness."

  She nodded, unable to speak, and stood. Her fingers had clutched the desk so hard they'd cramped, and she opened and closed them to ease the stiffness. She turned, the
motion setting the gems to swaying and the beads inside her rolling a bit. She moaned. Edward looked up. "Now."

  "Yes, sir."

  She'd served naked many times, but never so decorated. It took her three steps to get to the back of his leather chair in front of the fire, and once there, she paused to grip the back, thinking she might fall, so deliciously torturous were the sensations running through her.

  But Edward had ordered tea, and there could be no hesitating. Not even a swift repetition of the five principles helped much, but they did allow her to gather her breath and make the tea.

  For the rest of the evening she served him that way. Every step was scrumptious agony, causing the jewelry to rub and pull and shift against her most sensitive spots, yet never allowing her the relief of orgasm. Edward seemed more fractious than ever before, needier, unable even to get up from his desk to fetch his own books or files when in the past he'd have done so without pause. Tonight, he put her to work harder than he'd ever done in the past, and her body screamed with delight during every moment of it. Her every sense heightened. Smell, sight, hearing, taste . . . but especially touch. Her entire body, from forehead to the tips of her toes, became as sensitive as her clit and nipples. The breeze created by her movements trailed tickling fingers over her belly, the seam of her buttocks, her nipples. The heat of the flames stoked the fire between her thighs. Every breath she took in brought greater sensation with it, until at last she could do nothing but shake and tremble and await release.

  At last Edward got up from the chair and ordered her to attend him once more. "Face the desk and put your hands flat upon it."

  She did at once, parting her legs without being told. His touch, one finger tracing her spine, made her whimper. When it reached the crease of her ass, her hips jumped.

  "You've been a delightful Handmaiden tonight," he murmured. "You've done everything I asked, without complaint. I do believe it is time for your reward." Oh, she did adore this. The commands. The torture, the pleasure so intense it had become pain, the small pains that were a pleasure. She loved being told to serve, having the choice taken from her, being dominated in this way. She loved this. She loved him.