Beneath the Veil Read online

  He took my hand. "I'm sorry."

  "Don't be. There are more important things."

  He gave me a familiar grin. "More important than dreams? Bite your tongue."

  Lir came in without knocking, the only one of Daelyn's comrades who could do so. His eyes took in our entwined fingers, and Daelyn's smudged lips. Did I imagine a shadow cross his face? A slight tightening of his lips?

  "Dae, love, I've had word from Barnabus. He's found three more."

  Daelyn gave me a significant look I couldn't interpret. "Aeris has a proposal for you."

  Lir laughed out loud when Daelyn told him of my plan. "Train the follies to fight? What an absurd idea."

  I bristled, but remembered he didn't know I was female. Or didn't acknowledge that fact. "Daelyn can fight."

  "Daelyn's been bred from a long line of monarchs. And he's been raised as a male. Put a sword in his hand, and he's got the innate courage and learned skill to use it. Put a dagger in the hand of a common kitchen female, and how clumsily will she wield it? They're not even allowed to carry needles on their persons, lest they stab somebody with the point!"

  "Which is exactly why we need to train them," I repeated stubbornly. "Daelyn agrees that Rosten needs to be taken out of power, and Adamantane and Simelbon with him. Without them, the rest of their followers can be wooed or at least subdued and outvoted."

  "This is more than a matter of casual assassination," Lir told me. "You do understand that Rosten's enemies are many but those who follow him are greater. He's also the most well-protected man in the country right now. Even better protected than the Prince Regent himself."

  "Through sheer numbers, not from the skill of his guards." Daelyn gave Lir a fond look. "You know you could beat them all, my sweet."

  "Individually, yes. Together? He's never attended by fewer than seven armed men, all of whom, I might add, have received some if not all of their training beneath my hand." Lir took out his sword and tilted the blade until it shone in the light of Daelyn's expensive oil lanterns. "And yet I can count on the loyalty of none of them. Indeed, should any one of them learn of my activities and proclivities, I've no doubt they'd not hesitate to slaughter me and feel themselves justified in doing so."

  Daelyn got up, a pretty pout on the mouth he knew how to use so well, and put his arms around Lir's shoulders. "Poor Lir. So underappreciated."

  Daelyn put his fingertips to Lir's chin and tried to kiss him. As Lir's eyes met mine over the top of Daelyn's head, Lir sidestepped the kiss. He did it neatly, and he did it subtly, but there was no mistaking that he'd done it. He strode to the tray of cacao and biscuits, crammed the last one into his mouth without finesse and gulped a cup of now-tepid drink.

  Daelyn gave me a brief glance but didn't comment on Lir's action. Instead, he dusted his hands together, then went back to the vanity and picked up the hat I'd brought him. He looked at his reflection, this way and that, but the feathers blocked my view of his face so that whatever he saw was for his gaze alone.

  "So when do we start?" Daelyn said at last, without turning. "When do we set ourselves to battle?"

  I thought Lir would answer, but he sat down in one of the comfortable chairs and put his feet up while he finished his refreshment. I'd been training beneath him for months, but all I knew was how to fight. I knew nothing of strategy or battle planning.

  Still, my tongue moved faster than my thoughts as it had a tendency to do, and I began to pace the floor while I spoke. "We need to unseat Rosten. If he falls, Adamantane and Simelbon will try to take up his seat, but they'll be easier to take care of. They're not nearly as powerful as Rosten is, and they're not as good at getting followers. Without him, they'll founder at first. Not for long, but long enough to kill them, too."

  "Listen to the laddie," Daelyn murmured, still facing the mirror. "Hear him speak of killing as though he were discussing having a picnic."

  Lir said nothing, merely stared at me. Under the weight of his gaze, I felt my cheeks flush, but my nipples peaked too and I was thankful for the extra layer of binding cloth I wore beneath my clothes to hide them. I paced some more, ticking off lists of ideas on my fingers.

  "They've killed plenty of people in their time, my prince. Women, children, even men who opposed them. I don't have pity for them."

  Daelyn turned now, his eyebrow cocked below the hat's curved brim. "Without pity, you are no better than they are."

  That made me pause. "If they're not stopped –"

  "Even if they are stopped, Aeris, do you really think removing one man from power will change the way the rest of the country feels and behaves?" His tone was cold.

  I thought of the many young men I'd passed on the street that day. The whispered comments. The eagerness, instead of disgust. "It won't change all of them. There will always be people who choose to hate. But yes, Daelyn, I do believe getting rid of Rosten will allow you to change this country. To make new laws and break some old ones. To allow those who wish to live in harmony do so, without fear of reprisal. Not every man will change. But if we don't take this chance, make this stand, then none will."

  Daelyn smoothed his fingers along the hat's brim and curled the feather on his finger. "Listen to him speak, Lir. He really believes what he's saying."

  "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" I cried, frustrated and no longer caring if I tempted his anger. "I am here! I am speaking to you! Don't treat me like your fetchencarry any more, Daelyn, because I've grown out of that role, and you're the one who forced me to do it!"

  Lir's gaze flickered from Daelyn and then to me. He crossed his arms over his chest. "The lad's right, Dae."

  "Are you taking his side?" Daelyn sounded incredulous and petulant, too. He slapped the hat from his head, then kicked it across the floor. "You, my love, turning on me in favor of that...that..."

  "He's your friend, I believe," Lir said mildly. "And he's right. You might not like to admit it."

  "I am afraid to admit it!" Daelyn's shout echoed throughout the chamber. He took a step forward, and his knees buckled. He grabbed the back of a chair to hold himself upright. His face contorted. "I am terrified of this, Lir! This is not a game. This is not running merry through the streets wearing black clothes and risking little to gain much. This is...this is madness. This is murder. And what if we do accomplish our goals? Then the fate of Alyria lies fully in my hands, on my shoulders, it bends my back and throttles me! Me, Lir Akean. Not you. Not him, either." He jerked a thumb toward me. "I've spent my entire life playing at being a flirt, a fashionable fool! How do you think I will stand up to that sort of pressure?"

  "I think you'll stand up very well, my prince." Lir got up and put his arms around Daelyn, and after a moment, I did too.

  We both held him as he shook and wept, and when at last his tears had ceased, he raised his head and said, "Then we'll start tonight."

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  "Hold it like this?" Galya closed her fingers lightly around the dagger's handle. She giggled, and I paused in my demonstration, enchanted at the trill, merry and bright and sparkling. It made me think of springtime, brooks burbling, flowers beginning to show their heads after a long winter.

  "Aeris?" She looked puzzled, and I had to blink away my reverie.

  "Like this." I took hold of her hand and closed the fingers harder on the dagger's handle. "You must keep a firm grip on it, so it doesn't slip."

  "Like on a man's prick," she said so matter-of-factly I was surprised.

  "Um. Perhaps a little harder than that."

  "You don't know how the man of my house likes to be stroked," she said darkly. Then she gave another delicious giggle. "Tell you truly, I'd rather hold this than that."

  "Now I'll show you how to thrust...."

  She bent over in more peals of laughter. It took me a moment before I realized why she was laughing this time. My cheeks heated, but I grinned.

  "Maybe you already know all about that, too."

  She nodded and pretended to put on
a serious face, though her pretty brown eyes still twinkled. "Oh, aye, for I do get it put to me often enough."

  I sighed in mock sternness. "If you don't want to learn –"

  "Oh, no," she interrupted. Her face smoothed into seriousness. "I do want to learn. I want you to teach me."

  She slipped so sweetly into the circle of my arms I found it difficult to believe she hadn't been there all along. She pressed her backside against my thighs and wiggled while she lifted the dagger again. The glance she gave me over her shoulder was full of false innocence, though I knew her intentions.

  I put them out of my mind and pretended I didn't notice her attempt at seduction. "First, I want you to pretend you're sewing a hole in a tunic. Use those same small movements."

  She sighed but did as I said. She moved her hand in small, delicate jabs, up and down. The dagger was much larger than a needle, and the movement brought the blade dangerously close to my thigh on several occasions, but I kept steady and didn't move.

  "Now I want you to do the same thing, but outward. Toward the air. Away from me," I added. "Please!"

  She giggled again, which shifted her body further against mine. Her short hair tickled my chin as she backed herself further against me and began to follow my orders. She smelled good. Soap and water and clean, warm flesh, no perfumes or oils. She didn't smell like a man at all. I was intoxicated.

  We were alone in the room. Daelyn had brought me, Lir, Penryn, Moravian and Gilder for a usual night of carousing, but this time he'd brought along weapons and lesson books instead of aphrodisiacs. Galya had sought me for a partner right away, even as the men and women paired off into their rooms for activity of a baser sort. I refused to watch as Lir followed a plump, fair-haired woman who took him by the hand and led him from the main bath chamber.

  Galya hadn't asked me to make love to her. Not with words. With her eyes, her gestures, her body language, she implored me. Her efforts were working. I found I could think of nothing but making love to her, no matter how fiercely I intended otherwise.

  "You don't flirt like a man." The words blurted out of me before I could stop them.

  That gave her pause, and she turned in my arms to face me. "What?"

  "Men flirt with words. They talk about their prowess in the hunt or show off their wealth to attract a lover. They swagger, they strut. But you...you don't do that."

  "But you know what I desire, all the same. Don't you?" Her small hand reached up to caress my cheek.

  "I'm not a good choice for you."

  She frowned and stepped away from me. "I thought you were different."

  "I don't find you repulsive. Don't think that. But...I'm not..."

  She sighed heavily and flopped down on the long, low bench. The dagger hung limp in her hand. "You love him."

  "Daelyn? Of course. He's my prince."

  "Not him." She gave a disgusted grimace. "The other one. Lir."

  Her words set my stomach atumble, and I stepped back. "No. Of course I don't."

  She gave a short, sharp chuckle that sounded nothing like her earlier laughter. "What's sad is you don't even realize it."

  "I admit to respect for him. As my teacher." I thought of the musk-salt flavor of him on my tongue, and had to swallow convulsively against it. "As a Master of the Art. As the friend and sworn companion of my prince. But as a lover –"

  She gave a low, scoffing noise. "Don't lie to me. Not here. I thought you said we'd be friends."

  "We are friends."

  "Then don't try to hide from me!" She rolled onto her back and toyed idly with her breasts, barely covered with a sheer nightrail of the sort men usually wore. Her thighs parted and her hand dipped down between them to stroke the mound of her pubis through the cloth. "I should have gone with one of the others."

  "If you wanted to be fucked, yes," I replied crudely. Her words had taken me aback. "If you want to learn how to defend yourself, no."

  "Don't I tempt you at all?"

  She did, but I didn't want to tell her that. "What tempts you about me?"

  Galya cocked her head to look at me. "You're different, Aeris."

  Galya lifted her gown to her belly button and exposed her sex to me. I watched as she pressed a fingertip among her brown curls at the junction of her thighs. She sighed and lifted her hips a bit as her fingertip moved in slow, lazy circles.

  "Women are taught how to bring a man pleasure. But nobody ever thinks about how to bring a woman pleasure, do they?"

  "No." My mouth felt dry, and I swallowed. My gaze was riveted to her bared flesh.

  "Wouldn't you like to know how to bring a woman pleasure?" Her voice had gone low and husky. She drew in a hitching breath as the circling of her fingers grew faster.

  I thought of what Lir had done to Daelyn, and of how I'd rocked my hips against my fist without achieving the release my body craved. My voice didn't sound like my own when I answered her. "Yes. I'd like to know what brings a woman pleasure."

  She looked up, her bright eyes brighter with passion and her cheeks flushed. She seemed surprised, as though she'd expected a different answer.

  "Aeris?" She sat up. The gown fell back across her legs. "Are you all right?"

  The room had become overwarm. I went to the side table and gulped a glass of wine. My fingers shook on the bottle and spilled it. Galya was at my side in an instant, her brow furrowed with concern. She filled my glass again, then led me to the low bench and made me sit. She sat beside me, her legs curled under her, her head upon my shoulder.

  "I'm sorry to keep after you," she said at last. "I know you don't want me the way I've wanted you since the first time I saw you."

  She stroked my hair, unbound, and tangled it around her fingers. "I know I'm overbold. I know you love Daelyn, and though you won't admit it, Lir too."

  I opened my mouth to protest, and she shushed me with her fingers on my lips. "Let's not argue about it."

  I nodded. "I am different."

  She nodded against my shoulder. Her hand stroked my hair, soothed me, while her other dropped gently to my thigh. "Even the men who take their pleasure from women...not all of them would like women to be made their equals. Sure, they'd like to be able to fuck the women of their house without being called perverts, but they still wouldn't want us sleeping in their beds, or speaking to them. They don't want to share their hearts with us, just their pricks."

  "Some, yes." I thought of what Lir had told me. "But there are others who really do want to share their lives with the women of their house. Or just one. And their children."

  "Men like you?" Her tone became teasing and she tilted her head so the soft breath caressed my throat.

  I tilted my head to look down at her. "You've tried to help my prince by taking part in a deception that could cost you your life even if it wasn't discovered."

  She looked startled. "You know."

  "I saw it. I know what you risk by trying to have a child with...him."

  "I love him too, you know," she whispered. "Our prince. He's going to save us. I'd do anything to help him."

  "Then you'll learn to fight. And you'll keep bringing others to us to learn, too."

  "Of course I will." She looked down at my twice-emptied glass. "Do you feel better now?"

  "Wine can give courage."

  "What do you need courage for, love?"

  The endearment made tears burn the back of my eyes. I didn't believe Daelyn would not betray me if he thought it would bring a greater goal. I did not trust Lir not to do the same. But I did trust Galya.

  "I need to tell you something."

  "Yes?" She bit at her lower lip. "Are you all right?"

  I took her hand and put it over the cod. She giggled. I loosed the buckle that held it in place and took off the bulky item, then put her hand back between my legs. Her fingers pressed through the layers of my trousers and undergarments.

  She drew her hand back as though scalded, then scooted backward on the bench so fast I thought she might fall off. "Invi
sible Mother!"

  She shook her head and put a hand to her mouth. Eyes wide, she stared at me so long I began to feel awkward and uncomfortable. I cleared my throat and lifted my glass to my lips, but found only dregs.

  "I'm sorry I lied to you."

  She shook her head again, and slid tentatively closer. "Who else knows?"

  "Daelyn." But she didn't know about Daelyn, and it wasn't my place to tell her. "Nobody else."

  "Aeris, I don't know what to say." Galya slid closer and put her hand on my shoulder. "Aren't you afraid?"