The Space Between Us Read online

  I felt like shit even though what I’d said was no more a lie than Vic saying nothing was “wrong.” Elaine lifted her hair off her neck and twisted it, securing it with a ponytail holder she pulled from her wrist. She briefly touched the spot between her eyes as if it pained her. When she looked across the table at me, I hated seeing the sheen of tears in her eyes.

  “If something was wrong and you knew about it, Tesla. You’d tell me. Right?”

  “Of course. Of course I would.” It tasted like a lie, though I meant it to be the truth.

  The back door opened and caught us looking guilty, like we were the ones keeping secrets. Vic came in, stamping off the slush from his boots, and paused in the doorway. He looked first to his wife, who got a faint smile from him, then to me.

  I got a frown.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  Elaine heaved her bulk from the chair and went to give him a kiss. “How was work?”

  “Fine. Closed early, had no appointments and Cap was on about something having to do with what it would take to launch an iPhone into space or something like that.”

  I laughed, and Vic shot me another frown. “Did he have diagrams?” I asked.

  “Yes.” Vic rolled his eyes and looked over Elaine’s shoulder to the stove. “Spaghetti?”

  “Yes. It’ll be a few minutes.” She hugged him close.

  I looked away from their intimacy, not because it embarrassed me, but because I didn’t want to see Vic’s face when he hugged the woman he was lying to. The pounding of feet up the stairs alerted the three of us to the kids before they hurtled through the door to attack their dad, and I took the opportunity to finish the bread, then start the spaghetti. Vic played daddy for a few minutes, then went to take a shower before dinner.

  Elaine let the subject drop, but it still hovered between us as we both set the dining room table and put out the food. My phone rang just as Vic, head wet and clothes changed, came down the stairs. He looked as if he was going to say something to me, but I held up a hand to hold him off while I answered.

  It was Meredith. “Hey, sugar pie.”

  “Hello, crumb cake,” I answered, just to be sassy.

  She laughed. “What’s going on?”

  “Getting ready to eat.” Phone in one hand, I snagged Max by the back of the pants with the other as he ran by. He yelped, I giggled.

  “Sounds crazy over there.” Meredith herself sounded the opposite of crazy—calm and amused. “It’s a circus, huh?”

  “Yeah, a circus. With monkeys.” I picked Max up in one arm, ignoring his wiggling protests, and took him into the dining room to hand him to Vic. “It’s pretty much always a circus here. What’s going on with you?”

  Frowning, Vic took his son from me. I ignored his glare, not interested at the moment in his judgment, since he had no justification for it as far as I was concerned. He narrowed his eyes; I widened mine innocently and turned my back.

  “I wanted to take you out to dinner,” Meredith said. “See a movie. Whisk you away from your dreary, humdrum life and give you something magical.”

  “Magical, huh? Sounds exciting.” I looked over the table, Simone and Max in their places and most of the food set out. Elaine looked up curiously as she placed the bowl of pasta and sauce, already mixed, in the center. “Where do you want to take me?”

  “What are you hungry for?” A shuffle sounded in the background, then her distinctive giggle. “Charlie says he has something nice for you to eat.”

  Charlie’s voice muttering a protest came through next, though I couldn’t quite hear what he said. I laughed at the mental picture of him laid out on a table. Naked. “Mmmm.”

  “Let us come and pick you up. We can be there in fifteen minutes. Is that enough time to get ready?”

  I laughed again at that; Meredith was the one who took forever. “I’m a wash-and-go sort of girl. You know that.”

  “Good.” She paused. More shuffling, something muttered. “Charlie says wear something sexy.”

  Apparently that wasn’t what he’d said, because I heard him retort, loud and clear, “I said tell her to come hungry!”

  “He says get ready to come,” Meredith said.

  I was giddy and giggly, listening to their exchange. Tingles in my toes. Cheeks a little flushed. It must’ve been obvious because when I turned to face the others at the table, they were all staring. “I’ll be ready. See you.”

  I disconnected the call. “What?”

  “Who was that?” Vic asked suspiciously.

  Elaine smiled. “I bet I know.”

  “Santa Claus!” Simone shouted.

  “No, not Santa,” I told her. I didn’t answer Vic and spoke instead to his wife. “I’m actually not going to eat here. I got invited out.”

  Elaine’s smile got bigger. “Woo, woo!”

  I picked up the plate we’d set for me, and tickled Max as I passed, then ruffled Simone’s blond curls. “Catch youse on the flip side.”

  “What’s the flip side?” Simone asked, twisting in her seat to look up at me.

  I touched her nose. “It means later, gator.”

  I took my plate and fork to the kitchen before I left, and when I turned, Vic was standing so close behind me I let out a surprised squeak and had to step back so I didn’t bump into him. “Christ, Vic, what the hell?”

  “Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish?”

  I could only stare, drop-jawed.

  He gestured toward the dining room. “Dinner’s all ready, and you’re going to dump us so you can go out with someone else?”

  I held up a hand. “Slow your roll.”

  “Slow my…” His expression transformed from irritated to infuriated.

  “Yeah. Slow your fucking roll, Vic.” I kept my voice low to keep the kids from hearing me curse, because I’m not a totally insensitive twat. “Back off. And it’s not any of your business, anyway.”

  “It’s completely my business.”

  “Since when?” I demanded.

  “Since always.”

  My jaw dropped again, and I actually made that noise cartoon characters make when they’re flabbergasted. Boing-oing-oing-oing. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Elaine worked hard to make that dinner in there. I think you shouldn’t be a self-absorbed little brat, but get back in there and eat it with us.”

  It was like someone had reached down my throat and torn out every single word I’d ever uttered. I couldn’t form a sound to save my life. All I could do was stare.

  Well, stare and blink away the rapidly rising tsunami of red fury that had begun crashing over me.

  “First of all, I made the dinner. Most of it.” Saying it that way made it sound like a complaint, which it wasn’t. “So I doubt Elaine really cares if I don’t eat it.”

  Vic’s mouth worked. A smart man would’ve stepped back. After all, he knew me. We’d gone at it with hammer and tongs enough times for us both to know when to stop pushing the other one’s buttons. But he didn’t.

  “When’s the last time we all ate together? Maybe instead of rushing off with your friends you should spend some time with your family.”

  I didn’t like the way he said “friends.”

  “Is that your issue? That it’s with them? What if I were meeting someone else—would that matter?”

  “Didn’t you learn anything from what happened with your parents?” Vic said tightly. “Jesus, Tesla. I thought you’d be smarter than that.”

  “This is nothing like that. It’s not like anything in The Compound.” I meant it as the truth, but it came out sounding defensive. Like a lie.

  “You should stay here with us.”

  “I’ve had more dinners here with your wife and kids in the past three weeks than you have,” I pointed out coldly. “I’m not the one off fucking around.”

  “I’m not…” Vic stopped to lower his voice. “I’m not fucking around. Jesus, Tesla.”

  A sound in the doorway made us both t
urn. Of course it was Elaine, face drawn, expression bleak. “What’s going on?”

  “I think Tesla should eat dinner with us tonight, not run off.”

  “Since when do you care where Tesla eats dinner?” she asked quietly.

  Vic looked caught. “It’s just that we… She…”

  Elaine gazed at me. “She has a right to her life, Victor.”

  I’d hated so much about this day already, and this added one more thing. I didn’t want Elaine to have to defend me to her husband. I didn’t want them fighting. Not about me, not about anything.

  “So, I’m the asshole again?” Vic scowled. “Great. Fine. I just thought—”

  “She’s right. She has eaten dinner with us more often than you have lately. She’s been here to give the kids their baths and help me put them to bed, Vic. She’s been here, and you haven’t. So why don’t you tell me the truth about what’s going on?” Elaine lifted her chin and crossed her arms over her belly. Her gaze didn’t waver and neither did her voice.

  I didn’t want to be here during this standoff, but Vic was between me and the door to the basement. I was going to disappoint Charlie, I thought randomly. I’d totally lost my appetite.

  “I’ve been working.” Vic said this so steadily I could tell he was keeping something back. Not a lie, not exactly. But not telling all the truth.

  If I knew him so well from our long acquaintance, surely his wife knew him even better. The corners of Elaine’s mouth turned down, but she kept her eyes on him. “At the garage?”

  “I…” Vic stopped himself and gave me a furious look. “What have you been telling her?”

  I held up both my hands and shook my head.

  “She hasn’t said anything. Is there something she should say?” Now Elaine flicked a glance at me, her disappointment evident.

  My heart sank. The only good that could come of this was going to be wrapped up in a whole lot of hurt. I didn’t want to be part of it, but I was tangled as tight as a ball of yarn in a thorn bush.

  Vic scowled at me again. “Jesus, Tesla. I thought I could trust you.”

  “Trust me to do what?” I found my voice at last. Found my balance, too, and pushed past him to get to the basement. But he snagged my elbow hard enough as I passed to spin me toward him. “Let go of me.”

  “Tesla?” Elaine asked, and I couldn’t keep it inside anymore.

  “He’s thinking of getting a new job,” I spat. “He wants to go back to being a cop, because he thinks the world’s such a big, bad place full of horribly scary things and he’s the only person in the whole wide world capable of taking care of it. That’s what he’s been doing, Elaine. Not just working late at the garage. He’s been getting back into detective work. Undercover.”

  It spilled out of me, words tumbling like rocks in a river. I shuddered and clamped my mouth shut. I jerked my elbow from Vic’s grasp, and his suddenly loose fingers couldn’t hold me.

  “Getting back? I don’t understand.” Elaine looked at Vic. “What’s going on?”

  “Tesla needs to learn to keep her mouth shut, that’s all.”

  “And you need to learn to talk to your wife,” I retorted.

  Silence, broken after a few seconds by Elaine’s stifled sob. Vic turned to her in dismay, but she backed up a step with a shake of her head. That left his anger to come back at me, but I was ready for it.

  “No,” I said before he could speak. “Don’t even. If you’re going to give me shit for anything, just…no. I’m not having it, Vic. I’m going out with friends, and it had nothing to do with you before, but it sure as hell does now.”

  “You live in my house. The least you could do is show some respect,” he said.

  He knew it was a mistake the moment the words left his mouth; I could see it in his eyes. But he wasn’t much for apologies.

  “Really? You’re going to throw that ‘not under my roof’ shit at me? Really?” I shook my head, heading for the basement.

  “Mama?” Simone appeared in the doorway, her pouting mouth ringed with sauce.

  We all froze.

  “Go back into the dining room,” Elaine said.

  Simone didn’t go.

  “Now!” Vic shouted.

  His daughter burst into tears and ran from the kitchen. I slapped a hand to my forehead. “Nice.”

  “You,” he said, pointing, “don’t get to judge my parenting skills.”

  “That’s right,” I said, pointing back. “Because you’re not my father.”

  Elaine and I both jumped when Vic slammed his hand into the side of the fridge. She squeaked in surprise; I backed up a step. He looked instantly ashamed.

  Decisions we make in haste aren’t always ones we’ll regret. Watching Vic and Elaine struggling in front of me, I knew I could no longer be a part of it. I’d been here too long already.

  “I’m going out with my friends,” I said into the suddenly quiet kitchen. “And I’m probably not coming home.”

  “Tonight?” Vic asked.

  I gazed at him steadily, but said nothing.

  He looked at Elaine. “What’s this shit?”

  I thought she’d be the one to try and convince me to stay, but she only gave me the same steady sort of look I’d given Vic. The disappointment in her eyes broke me even more—I’d never wanted to lie to her. She cleared her throat before replying, but her voice was as steady as her gaze.

  “She’s saying she’s going to move out, Vic. And I think…I think that might be for the best.”

  “What?” he cried, but neither Elaine nor I looked at him.

  We stared across the kitchen table, where only an hour or so ago she’d told me how happy she was to have me here. And where I’d said I’d tell her if I knew something was going on with her husband, but hadn’t. I didn’t really want to go, not like this, but I could see no good way to stay.

  “No. Tesla, you don’t have to do that,” Vic said.

  I ignored him and went downstairs to gather up some things I’d need for the next few days. I looked around the room he’d built for me down here. Vic had given me shelter when I’d had no place to go. He’d made me a part of his life and part of his family.

  I loved him for that and many reasons, most of which I’d never be able to untangle. But it was time for me to go.

  Chapter 25

  Dinner and a movie. Nothing kinky or extraordinary about that, right? Not unless you consider that it’s two women and one man on that date, and that the three of them are going to end up in bed together.

  Not that anyone watching us would’ve known it, of course. But we did. And that gave everything we said a little extra element of anticipation. At least it did for me—or maybe I was just trying so hard to forget about the fight with Vic, and thinking about what I was really going to do, that I focused too much on what would happen when I went back with Meredith and Charlie to their house.

  “God, that movie was the worst ever.” Meredith tossed her purse on the counter. Kicked off her shoes. She left a trail of clothing, coat, hat and gloves as she headed for the living room, where she bent to rummage in the liquor cabinet.

  “I’ve seen worse.” Charlie had taken my coat and hat from me and hung them in the hall closet before hanging his own.

  I blew on my fingers. I’d worn my mittens, but the temperatures had dropped so fast that the short walk from the theater to the car had left them like ice cubes, and the car ride home hadn’t been quite long enough to warm them.

  “Still cold?” Charlie took both my hands in his and chafed them gently, then lifted them to his mouth and blew on them.

  I shivered for reasons unrelated to my chills. “Thanks.”

  He kissed my hand and smiled. “No problem.”

  “Who wants a mojito?” Meredith stood in the arch between the living room and kitchen holding a bottle of lime-flavored rum. “I have fresh limes.”

  “It’s a school night,” Charlie reminded her with a glance at the clock. “And it’s getting late.” />
  Meredith pouted, and I was reminded with a pang of Simone. I hadn’t even said a proper goodbye to the kids. I was a shitty pseudo auntie.

  “And I guess you have to work early?” Meredith said to me.

  “Yeah. But I brought some things. So I can stay over…if you want me to.” I wasn’t sure what I’d do if one of them said they didn’t want me. Where I’d go. Cap would be happy to put me up, and Lynds wouldn’t mind, at least short-term. But I didn’t want to go there.

  “Don’t be dumb. Of course we do. Right, Charlie?” Meredith put the bottle on the counter and came over to hug me. “Mmm. Tesla.”

  She nuzzled my neck, which felt nice, but then stepped back too fast for me to really enjoy it. “No drinks?”

  “Not for me. I’m going to take a shower,” Charlie said. “I’m tired.”

  Meredith frowned again and looked at me. “Charlie…”

  He paused. Glanced from her to me and back again. “What?”

  She put her arm around my waist so we stood hip to hip. “I can’t believe you’re going to just abandon us.”

  The last thing in the world I wanted was for Charlie to feel pressured into fucking me. As much as I wanted to lose myself in the physical, I could sympathize with him being tired. Not only that, but I was still caught up in everything else.

  “It’s fine,” I told her. “I’m tired, too.”

  She let go of me. “You want to go to bed?”

  Charlie and I exchanged a look. He held out his hand and I took it. Then he took his wife’s.

  “We can all go to bed,” he said. “How’s that?”

  She didn’t seem that happy about it, but shrugged. “Fine. Party poopers.”

  “When you have to get up at five in the morning,” Charlie said, “we’ll see how perky you are at eleven at night.”

  In their bedroom, he undressed in front of me without any hint of self-consciousness, then went into the bathroom. Meredith turned on the flat-screen TV hung on the wall, and made space for me beside her on the bed, though she relaxed on the pillows and I sat more upright, feeling a little awkward.

  “I can’t believe him,” she said after a few minutes of mindless reality programming had passed.