Broken Read online

  He smiles when he sees me, and I can’t help throwing the redhead a triumphant glance as he says goodbye to her and crosses the room to get to me.

  “Honey. Long time no see.”

  I give him a coy glance. “And whose fault is that?”

  “All mine, I guess.” He lifts his glass and sips, and it’s impossible to miss the looking-over he’s giving me. “You look good.”

  Of course I do. Thousands of dollars worth of orthodontia, plastic surgery and several years of an eating disorder have changed the chubby girl with an overbite and glasses. I flip my hair over one shoulder and give him a smile I know is blinding white and perfect.

  “Thanks. You do, too.”

  Getting together with Joey would guarantee daddy would stop calling me his “other daughter.” He’d throw me a wedding twice as fancy as Angel’s, I know he would. Daddy doesn’t like John, but Joey’s like the son he never had.

  We chat for a while, idle small talk about our jobs and lives. I know what he does and where he lives. Joey’s mom and mine are best friends, and you can believe I hear all the gossip. He’s got a great job and house and a smoking hot car, and he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I know that for a fact, because his mother’s starting to get a little worried, even though I’ve heard my mom tell his there’s no way he’s gay, and she shouldn’t worry so much.

  I tell him about my job, which is so boring I can barely stand to talk about it. Joey’s nodding in all the right places and making little noises like he’s listening, but his gaze keeps going to my chest. It’s quite a bit larger than it used to be and I like showing it off. My nipples tighten a bit under his gaze. He notices.

  “So, Joey.” I keep my voice a little breathy, just like I’ve practiced in private until I can get it just right. I lean forward to take his wrist and bring his drink up to my mouth. “What are we drinking?”

  I take a sip from his glass. He’s got whiskey—nasty, nasty stuff. I swallow it down, but I don’t let go of his wrist.

  “I’m drinking Jameson. And it looks like you are, too.” Joey takes my other hand and puts it under the glass so he can let go while I’m left holding it.

  I’m a little confused. “Huh?”

  “Why don’t you keep that one. I’ll get myself another.” He nods a little and backs up a step, then turns on his heel and heads toward the bar. I’m left blinking, holding his glass, and shit, shit, shit, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

  “Well, how about a freshener?” I catch up to him and flash him another smile.

  “Sure, Honey.” Joey waves to the bartender and asks for another whiskey.

  “Actually, I’d like a white zinfandel.”

  I hand the guy Joey’s old glass and he hands us two new drinks. I sip mine right away, but Joey holds on to his and doesn’t drink from it. The redhead’s watching us without even bothering to hide it.

  People in the corner are laughing, and we both turn to look. It’s Joey’s dad Frank and my dad. Frank’s shaking Daddy’s hand and clapping him on the back. They’re passing cigars, too. Joey watches them for a moment before he turns his back, and because I want to keep his attention, I turn away, too.

  “Some party.” Joey lifts his glass.

  He’s right, but I don’t really want to talk about the party, which is Angel’s, not mine. “Your dad’s having a good time.”

  “Doesn’t he always, at parties?” Joey’s got a smile I heard my mom say could spread a nun’s knees, but right now it looks more like a smirk.

  “Everyone likes a party, don’t they? Especially when someone else is paying for it?” I sip my wine and look around the room, crammed full of people. “Oooh, look! There’s Mindy Heverling!”

  I smile and wave to her. She went to school with Joey, Angel and Joey’s brother Eddie. Mindy turns with a half-smile to wave at me, but in a second her face changes and she turns back around. Why’s she cutting me cold? Angel’s the one who used to steal her boyfriends, not me. Well, screw her. I look back at Joey, but now he’s looking at Mindy, and I realize she wasn’t cutting me cold at all. She was ignoring him.

  “Didn’t Mindy used to go out with Eddie?”

  “Yes.”

  He’s still staring at her. I feel a little bad, bringing it up. Eddie died when Joey was in high school. Nobody talks about it much. In fact, I don’t want to talk about it, so I take his elbow and make my move.

  “It’s hot in here. Want to take a walk with me?”

  I know Daddy booked this place because it had a ballroom big enough to hold all of his friends, but the gardens are nice, too. Lots of color-coordinated tulips and daffodils, a Greek-looking patio and two cement fish ponds with carp the size of my arm…and a maze. It’s not a very complicated maze but all I really want is to get to the center of it with Joey.

  After that, it’s not long before my tongue’s in his ear and his hand’s up my skirt.

  “Honey,” Joey says when I reach for his belt buckle. “Aren’t you a bad girl?”

  “Do you like bad girls?” His thighs are hard under my ass and my knees are pressing against the metal bench as I straddle him. I work the zipper on his trousers and slide a hand inside.

  I’m looking at his face when I say it, and I’m expecting to see the look guys get when they’re about to get some action. Joey’s expression surprises me, makes me pause. He looks serious and considering, not at all like I want him to look, which is glassy eyed with lust.

  “Not really.”

  I falter, my hand closing around his thing. It’s hard enough, anyway, so even if he’s saying he doesn’t like bad girls, he’s still turned on. At least, I hope he is.

  “N…no?”

  Joey shifts a little and puts his hands on my hips to hold me from sliding off his lap. “Not really. No. I like girls who are good.”

  Oh, he’s teasing me, playing with words. He’s always been good at that. A brain. Even in high school, he was always top of the class.

  “I can be good, Joey.”

  He winces a little and I loosen my grip, figuring I was holding too tight. His thing throbs in my fingers. Maybe he’s worried about being caught, but we’d hear anyone coming through the maze in plenty of time to button up, if we have to.

  “I bet you can.”

  His thumb slides into position against my tootsie. I bite my lower lip and lean in to kiss him. He turns his head so my lips land on the corner of his. I settle for nibbling his jaw and neck. His skin is warm and clean, and a little shiver tickles my spine.

  This is Joey, but he’s also a stranger.

  The thought makes me bite down a little, and he winces. He slides a finger beneath the lacy edge of my panties and inside me. I take his thing out all the way and start stroking him harder.

  “Honey…slow down…” His voice is hoarse. His fingers are moving faster against me, no matter what he’s telling me to do.

  “Nuh-uh.” I shake my head. “I want this.”

  “I can see that.” His finger moves in and out of me while his thumb keeps pressing on my bump.

  “Ooh, Joey,” I moan, pushing myself onto his hand. “Tootsie likes that.”

  He makes a little noise, a kind of snuffling snort. He’s got his face turned even more away. He’s smiling.

  “…does she?”

  “Mmm, hmmm. Oh…Oh! Oh, God…Joey!”

  I’ve been with other guys, it’s not that I’m a virgin or anything. But this is Joey, so I’m determined to make it so good he’ll be back for more.

  “Fuck my tootsie…oh, oh…OH!”

  I never shout when I have a real orgasm, but guys like it when girls make a lot of noise and wriggle around a lot. I want Joey to like me. A lot.

  “Yes, yes!” I writhe around on his hand and finally fall forward to put my face on his shoulder. I’ve still got his thing in my hand. It’s not as hard as it was a couple minutes ago. I look up.

  “Want me to put your thing in my mouth?”

  At first he says nothing. He take
s his fingers out of me. This position is starting to hurt my knees.

  “Did you like that?”

  I lick my lips. “Mmm, yeah, that was great, baby. Want me to suck you, now? Or use my hand?”

  “Suck my what?” His eyes are heavy-lidded and his expression inscrutable. He’s playing with words again.

  “Your thing. Your you-know.”

  “My cock? You want to suck my cock, Honey?”

  “Yes!” I nod. I don’t really want to suck his cock…I mean, I will because this is Joey, the guy I’ve had a super-mega crush on forever, and it’s what guys like. But sucking cock is sort of icky.

  “Honey, somehow I don’t think your father would approve you sucking my cock out here in the middle of the maze.”

  I glare. “I don’t do everything my father approves of.”

  He’s getting soft, so I move to get down and take him in my mouth. Joey stops me by grabbing my elbow to keep me on his lap.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “C’mon, Joey, it’s not like we don’t know each other. Remember when you were in grad school and you came over to my parents’ house for Christmas dinner?”

  His thing…his cock…is getting harder again. His head tips back against the bench. His eyes are closed. His thighs tense and relax under my ass.

  “Yeah.”

  “And there was mistletoe?”

  “Jesus, Honey…” He licks his lips and they part as he half-gasps. “That was a long time ago. You were just a kid.”

  “You still kissed me.” I lean forward to whisper in his ear. I lick his lobe, then nibble it. His thing jerks in my fingers. “And I decided right then I’d marry you.”

  At that, his eyes fly open. This time, I’m off his lap and almost on my ass on the ground before I catch my balance. He takes my hand out of his pants.

  “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.” He runs a hand through his hair and does this whole weird squirmy thing where he tucks himself back in his pants and runs his hands over the rest of him like he’s making sure his clothes aren’t wrinkled. “Who said anything about getting married?”

  I straighten my own clothes and turn to face him on the bench. “Maybe not right away, but—”

  “But nothing. But never.”

  That stings, and I frown. I cross my arms. “You were happy enough to put your hand up my skirt.”

  Joey looks stunned. “Holy shit, Honey. Fucking hell.”

  “What?” I cry, offended. “Is it such a crazy idea? We’d be great together!”

  “How do you figure that?” Joey asks. “You don’t even know me!”

  “What you do mean, I don’t know you? I’ve known you forever! Mom and Daddy know your parents, they’d love to see us hooked up. You’ve got a great job and could easily support me and we’d make beautiful babies…”

  “What fucking decade are you living in?” Joey’s voice is even, but bemused. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Why not? What’s wrong with wanting to get married?”

  “Usually you marry someone you love, who loves you.”

  “But I do love you! What, you like redheads better?” I lean toward him, my tone snide. “You’d rather hook up with that nobody than me? How about Mindy Heverling? You know, there was a rumor about you and her—”

  I reach for his crotch again, but he moves away before I can touch him.

  “Don’t.”

  I give him the look that usually gets me whatever I want. “Joey. Of course we can date for a while, first. This was just a little taste of what I can give you.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?” I stand and put my hands on my hips. “I’m not good enough for you? I’m good enough to suck you off but not good enough to date?”

  Joey stands, his hands up. “Honey, cut it out. This isn’t flattering.”

  “Oh, is that it?” Tears burn in my eyes and I swipe them away. “You’re turning me down?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you know how many guys would love to take me out?”

  “A lot, I’m sure. Why don’t you go back inside and find one? I think the party’s still going on—”

  I slap him, hard enough to turn his head. “How dare you!”

  The imprint of my fingers is first white, then slowly fill in red as I watch. I’m breathing hard. My nipples are hard. Heat has spread up my throat to my cheeks. Finally, I’m turned on.

  So, I slap his other cheek just as hard. Joey puts a hand to the marks as he slowly turns his face to look at me.

  “You’re lucky I’m a gentleman,” he says evenly. “Or I’d knock you on your ass for that.”

  I sneer, getting up in his face. “I’d like to see you try.”

  My thighs are trembling. My tootsie’s gone all hot and soft and I think about his fingers inside me. If he did that again now, I’d be wet for him.

  I lift my hand to hit him again, but this time he catches my wrist. His grip is tight and it hurts just enough to make me gasp. Is he going to hit me? Oh, is he going to push me?

  Joey lets me go. I stumble back, just a little and look up at him. Disgust has twisted his face, and I realize I’ve gone too far. I reach for his hand, but he’s backing away.

  “Joey, wait, wait. I’m sorry. I wanted to move too fast, I know. We could take things slower…”

  “Honey, I don’t want to go out with you. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to date you, be your boyfriend or marry you.”

  “Well, why not?” I cry suddenly, feeling more naked than when he had his hand in my panties. “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Nothing is wrong with you.” Joey puts his hands in his pockets. “But you really don’t even know me.”

  “I know everything I need to know!” I step toward him, and he steps back. It’s a dance I don’t like.

  “No,” Joey says. “You don’t.”

  Then he leaves me in the middle of the maze and I have to find my way back to the party alone. When I get back, he’s gone. So is the redhead.

  “Did you leave with the other girl?”

  “No. That would have been a good ending to the story, though, wouldn’t it?”

  Joe’s grin was unabashed and I had to return it.

  “Are you on Daddy’s shit-list, now?”

  He shrugged, tipping his head up toward the warm spring sunshine. It shot threads of yellow across his face. It was our first lunch outside of the atrium since last October, and the fresh air and flowers gave everything a festive air.

  “I doubt she told him. What would she have said?”

  “True. You’d better hope she didn’t tell him you touched her tootsie, though, or else it sounds like Daddy might show up at your door with a shotgun.”

  Joe cracked open an eye to look at me. We both started laughing, which escalated into a flurry of guffaws. Sunshine and giggles. It felt great.

  “Tootsie,” I said again, just because it sounded so ridiculous.

  “Lot of good touching it did.” Joe’s laughter is like a stream chuckling over rocks, swift and strong, dipping down every so often. “She didn’t even get off.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Sadie,” Joe said. “I might not always be able to tell when a woman does, but I sure as hell know when she doesn’t.”

  We laughed harder. My sides started to hurt. I had to wipe away a tear. I caught his eye and we both sobered a bit.

  “She sounds like maybe she still thought of herself as that chubby girl with braces, even though she’s done a lot to move away from that image.”

  “Is that your professional opinion, Doctor?”

  We rarely discuss our careers. I didn’t, in fact, even know what he did for a living. His words sobered me further, brought me back to the reality instead of letting me stay in the fantasy. I cleared my throat and cut my gaze from his.

  “I can’t possibly analyze someone I don’t even know.”

  Joe stopped laughing, too. He wa
dded up a napkin and threw it toward the garbage can. “I liked her when she was that chubby girl with braces. She was a good kid.”

  “So why not go out with her? It sounds like it would make your families happy.”

  Joe gave me a look. “Daddy might be thrilled, Sadie, but I could assure you Mommy would throw a shit fit.”

  “Ah.” I hadn’t thought about that.

  “Besides, I could never go out with a woman who calls her pussy a tootsie.”

  That set us off again. I felt bad for laughing at poor Honey, who sounded like she had real issues, not the least an Electra complex. Leave it to Joe to get jerked off in a garden at a baptismal party.

  “Everywhere you go,” I said when the laughter again had died down. “How do you do it?”

  He was quiet for a moment or two. “I’m a good-looking guy. It opens doors.”

  I’d been staring at his profile, fascinated by the way the sun cast shadows on his skin. He looked up and caught me and I looked away.

  “You don’t always have to say yes, Joe.”

  “Sadie,” Joe murmured. “I don’t always say yes. I only tell you about the ones I say yes to.”

  Which was enough. I laughed again, but it sounded fake after the true guffaws we’d shared. I wrapped up my trash, disappointed as always that the hour had passed and I had no more excuse to linger.

  “They’re like sharks. Circling. Cute, single guy, good job, nice car. It’s all they know about me.” His tone was light but his expression serious.

  “Maybe that’s because it’s all you show them.”

  “Maybe it’s all they want to see.”

  I stood to put my garbage in the can. I brushed some crumbs off my hands. “Maybe you need a mesh suit. Or a shark cage. Or maybe you just need to stop tossing out so much chum.”

  Joe smiled. “Then what would we have to talk about at lunch?”

  I didn’t have an answer for that, and it was easy to see he knew it. “So, what was the rumor about you and Mindy Heverling?”

  Joe scuffed the gravel with the toe of his shoe. “Mindy was my brother’s girl.”